Sunday, June 30, 2013

I'm in need of a pep talk.

A co-worker said something to me today that really hurt. I have been counting calories pretty religiously for the last couple of days and I announced today that I was burnt out with it. She then responded with "I knew you'd quit after a few days." I don't think she was trying to be rude, but it still felt like a slap in the face.

DREAM ON RITALIN


I'm a quitter. When the going gets tough, I get going...away...in the opposite direction. I'm like this in ALL situations! If the job gets too stressful, I quit. If my friends get overbearing, I ignore their messages. If the workout gets too hard, I stop. If I get sick of eating healthy, I stop and eat junk. If the church has a problem, I leave. I'm like this in every single aspect of my life and I am so sick of it!

I am too scared to put myself out there, afraid that I will be disappointed. Well, kiddo, that's life! Nothing is going to meet your standards, but you'll never even come close if you don't try. There are so many places I want to go, people I want to meet, and things I want to do. But I'm still in the same town, too poor to take a decent vacation, stuck knowing the same people I've known all my life, and working a mundane job with people I don't fit in with at all. 

And I am sick of it.

I'm reminded of the Stacy Orrico song, "More to Life." Is there nothing more to life than chasing down every temporary high? I know as Christians, we are not to get too worried about our earthly lives. Eternity is our true priority. But I can't help but feel like I'm stuck; like I'm just cruising on a never ending interstate, wondering if I missed my exit.

I know people say, "Do what makes you happy!" But that is a bit unrealistic in my case. I can't afford to travel, I certainly can't afford to quit my job, and can't find a single church that even has anything for my age group. Meaning, I've made NO friends my age who are Christians. The last time I went out with a group of people, they were all drinking alcohol and talking about how faith and science completely contradict each other, joking about how unintelligent Christians are.

My advice to myself is just to pray. Things will fall into place in the right time. This is just another phase! In a few days or weeks, you'll be out of this pit and looking towards a brighter future. For now, I'm just going to listen to Frank Sinatra and eat some frozen yogurt. Sigh.


13 lovely notes:

Lacey said...

Oh girl, I am so sorry. I have felt these things you are feeling as well. It can be so rough, I struggled for many years feeling like I was totally lost and that my life would never really amount to anything important.

The answer is always in Christ. He was sent here to make up for all the wrong we ever could do, and to make a life on this earth worth living. He became one of us so that we knew how we ought to live on this earth. His life holds the perfect blueprint for our lives!

This idea will play itself out in any walk of life if we choose to follow it. If I look at MY life from the world's standards, it's pretty mundane. I work in an office. I come home to my pets every day. I'm still in school. I only have a few good friends. I've never had a real boyfriend. I've never had money to travel anywhere further than Arizona. But I strive to live how Christ would if He was started on my path. I'm learning to choose love every day and to exude that to the people around me. I've realized that the more of a blessing I can be to others, the more I am blessed.

I get the itch to travel sometimes, or to live an amazing, rich life like I've seen others my age be able to do. But when I see God's work and the things He's done in me and for me, those things have less value.

You are such a light, Jessica! I know God has you in that job for a purpose, and even if you aren't meant to stay there much longer, I bet you've already made an impact on some people. They may not think of it now, but years later God will use the seeds you've planted. Just from the interactions I've had with you online I've been able to see how motivated you AND your sister are, and how you both truly strive to live for God. I think He has big plans for you and He wants to bless you!

Oh gosh I know I am writing a book here, haha. I just wanted to take some time to encourage you and hopefully add some "pep" to your evening! I send love from Cali and hope you and your sis have an amazing week this week!!! <3

Robin said...

I do think she was trying to be rude. Why? Because she probably needs to insult you in order to feel better about herself. She needs to drag you down when you feel discouraged.

Following any diet change for two days in a row is impressive. Don't be discouraged by people like her!

Laura Amy said...

I wish I had some words of wisdom, but.. Just know you're not alone in your experience. I hope you find your way soon.. xo

Laura said...

A friend posted this on FB this morning...

The difference between who you and who you want to be is what you do. And what you have to do to get where you want to be may not be pretty or may not come easy.

Isn't that the truth!?!

As for activities for people your age at church... have you ever considered starting something up? That's what happened at my church... a bunch of kids "graduated" youth group, went to college, came back and had nothing... so they started it. :)

Natalie said...

Will be praying for you Jessica... I sorta went through a season really similar a couple years ago. Even now I still struggle with the whole finding godly friends and money limitations. Go indulge in that frozen yogurt... Wish I could be there to eat it with you =)

Blake - One Eighty Blog said...

When things get tough for me, I typically want to turn around and quit and ignore the situation. But I can't always do that. Everytime you quit or don't stick up for yourself, you are hurting yourself by not taking that opportunity to grow.

I like to think about the small things in life that I enjoy. Like waking up in the morning and going for a walk. Simply being alive and having the opportunity to see another day or read another book or have another conversation with someone.

About the coworker that put you down-- use people like that to inspire you! Those people can push you either negatively or positively-- you might as well use their rudeness to inspire you to be a better person. There will always be negative people, but you're a better person than to let them control how you feel!

Katie Aman said...

Aw! Darling you sound like you're in a place I've been many times in my life. Sometimes it's difficult to think of eternity while simultaneously trying to live in the present and not knowing how those two correlate.
Sometimes I feel like I've used God as an excuse to quit things, like He doesn't want me to go down a certain path or something, but I'm never quite sure, haha.
Just be encouraged that you're not living to please others, you're living to bring others to Him!
I completely understand the not having a group of Christian friends. In the small town I grew up in, I didn't have a group of friends who shared my faith, so I spent most of my time at home with my parents because I refused to hang around swearing and drinking, etc.
The fact that you're thinking about this shows that you have maturity and God will bless you, I promise :)
Read Psalm 127- it really helped me in a similar situation :)

Kimmy said...

I'm so sorry things have been so difficult for you lately! I will admit that I'm a big quitter and it's bugs me like crazy.
I'll be praying for you x

J. L. said...

Feeling like a quitter is only natural. Even Jesus had his doubts and wandered in the valley of the Lepers asking that someone else bear the responsibility. He persevered though and you can too. As Lacey said, He became one of us so that we would know how to live. Keep reminding yourself that you are loved by God and the world will fall into place around you. Maybe not right now, but it will happen. Have faith in God and you will come out ok.
Know that reading your posts, both my wife, Robin atfouroclock.com , and I have faith in you and your ability to persevere. Do as you believe and you will never be a quitter.

Jessi Francis said...

friend, i can totally relate! the Lord has a wonderful plan for your life, even if it is hard to see right now. take this time to seek His will and know him more. lean on Him!
and i can be a Christian friend that's your age :)

Niken said...

Jess,
i know that we're a world apart, but i just want you to know that you can always talk to me. come get skype chat we've planned forever ago! i have lots of things i'd like to share with you too

Regine Karpel said...

God Bless! How I relate this struggle!
If you'd like let me know and I'd email you or Skype with you!
www.rsrue.blogspot.com
Love that song!
Here's one for you "Better Days" by Robbie Seay Band

Autumn said...

It is really hard to find friends with similar standards in your early 20s. I was really blessed to go to a church school where I made friends from all over the country, but since we moved out to Georgia it has been a struggle for me to make married friends who have similar values too.

I understand your struggle and it is hard. Prayer does really work though even if it isn't in the way we think it will!